For the past year, i stuck this verse by my work desk “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.” (1 Cor 10:13, msg)

Tests/temptations of sorts i’ve faced over the past 29 years of my life, but none as trying as my recent “test”. Waking up one day, I discovered that i could no longer move my right index finger, which was later diagnosed as tendonitis. Amongst other inconveniences, this was the start of - laying off work for close to 2 months and taking a break from the Worship & Music ministry in my church as a keyboardist. Physical pain and inconveniences aside, i struggled much and hard with God.

There were so many “whys”, so many questions, targeted at Him. Why am i suffering from an ‘old-man’s disease”? Why did you allow it? Are you displeased with me? Are you teaching me a lesson? Is this a spiritual attack? Why? etc etc.

In the first week of intense physical pain and constant worry, God showed me through prayer/quiet times and confirmations from godly people that the injury was the result of a spiritual attack. There is a spiritual battle going on and whether we like it or not, we can be attacked. Which is why the bible says” your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings” (1 Peter 5: 8-9). I was reminded that being a christian does not mean i’m free from all sufffering. Rather, being a christian enables me to lead an abundant life - not necessarily by the world’s definition of success or prosperity, but because God is with me always. My life is for Him, living on His terms, not mine.

But alas, human as i am, i’m prone to forget and doubt His promises. So, the feelings of hopelessness and anger with God do seep in on many “tremendounsly-painful” days. But God is amazing for He provided His word to guide and comfort us in our time of need. I was led to the passsage of Job, the blameless, upright and God-fearing man, who suffered in every imaginable aspect. Though Job posed many “whys” to God, God never revealed the reason for his suffering. Instead, when God spoke (after many days of hearing Job’s cries, pleas, complains), He stated His sovereignty as creator. Accepting this truth into my heart made me realize that God created me and He owned my hands. God does not owe me an explanation (though in His mercy and wisdom He might answer some of my questions at His discretion). Instead, the appropriate response is to pray and trust that His will will be done in my life.

This breakthrough enabled me to see my life in a new light and appreciate many blessings in my life, including my husband who has to take care of a “mentally and emotionally unstable me” as well as my family, small group, church friends and countless friends who have kept me in prayer. Friends: your prayers, love and concern have sustained me and i pray that God will help us all to “fight the good fight” and keep the faith till we finish the race.

It’s almost 3 months since my finger first collapsed. Since then, i’ve discovered another 3 “collapsing” fingers. But thanks to the prayers and medical treatment, I am recovering. To those in pain, i’d like to share this song which touched my soul and spurred me on.

Verse 1
Your faithfulness never fails
Your faithfulness everyday
You’re the same

Verse 2
Unfailing love sets me free
Unfailing love you lead me
With your hand

Pre-Chorus
And all I know
With your arms around me
Your face is all that I seek
Your love and grace
Pick me up and hold me
You alone are holy

Chorus
For you alone are great in power
You alone are my strong tower
And i will lift my heart and soul
To worship you alone
For you alone are my desire
You have set my heart on fire
And i will lift my heart and soul
To worship you alone
Worship you alone

Bridge
And I will follow after you
For you are my desire
Oh jesus, my heart belongs to you

(Worship You Alone by Planet Shakers )